For those of you who have been following this journey of mine for the past few years, I want to thank you. To my surprise, I had so many people reach out with encouragement and so much love when I shared I would finally be in Waco attending Baylor. It honestly blew my mind that I still had people who read my posts and blogs after many years of inconsistency. So to y'all, thank you. And to whoever may be new here, come as you are, let's be friends.
I had always wanted to be the person I needed when I was younger. That was my prayer as a 16-year-old high schooler. I did not know that that little prayer, which was honestly framed more as a thought, would turn into this beautifully messy story of mine.
I have been accepted into Baylor 3 times. Yeah. Not once or twice but a whopping THREE times. Third times the charm, I guess?
There are lessons I want to share with you all. But honestly, I have been scared. Like how embarrassing is it that I have transferred as many times as I have AND also had to quit volleyball? Hopefully, you are virtually shwacking me as I have shwacked myself. That thought IS FROM THE ENEMY!!!!! That is not the Lord. I know that the Lord has called me to be this person and to not embrace that is to step away from my God-given purpose. Boom. Okay anyways.
So fast forward to last week (January 10th-14th). I went through Baylor Rush Week as a junior. Yep. Also, a little voice in my head saying *embarassinggggg*
And as I sit here reflecting on what the week of Rush taught me, the idea of being the person I needed when I was younger is EXACTLY what these past few years have been teaching me. God has been shaping me, molding me, stretching me. The storms, the valleys, the decisions, the mistakes. The mountaintops, the highs, the successes, the joys. The person God has been molding me into is not for my own glory but His. But boy, have I looked back on this journey with anger, embarrassment, and confusion. I didn't know if I would ever fully understand why the decisions I was so confident in at the time were not the long-term ones I had wanted them to would be.
Freshman year at Ohio, I thought I would graduate as a 4-year D1 athlete. Sophomore year and two weeks of my junior year at Nova Southeastern, I thought I had found my community and would be able to live out my volleyball dream. Both schools, both teams, both journeys were meant to be chapters. Chapters that were full of depth and growth.
Truthfully, there are times I regret not going to Baylor the first time all those years ago. But I wasn't ready. It wasn't my time yet. There are many reasons I was meant to walk the path I have been on. My college experience was not intended to be regular because that's not the story God had written for me. And how can I be the person I needed when I was younger without experiencing some big ole bumps in the roads, a few U-turns, a couple red lights... you get the point.
It has taken me a while to compose the words God has been playing in my heart. And I felt like this is something we all need to be reminded of; there is no part in your story that God has been absent from. We simply do not have the power to steal the pen from the Lord's hands, and He most certainly does not need an editor. You have not walked a second without His steady hand guiding, strengthening, and leading you. YOU MAY NOT SEE IT AT FIRST. You may be confused, mad, sad, anxious. You may have zero understanding of why God did what He did. But I promise you, it is for a reason greater than you can really see right now. I promise you that you are seen in the midst of your trials, you are cherished on your worst days, chosen when you feel less than, wanted when you feel lost in a sea of comparison. You are more than you could ever imagine. And your story is meant to be grand, beautiful, and life-bringing.
Let my story be a reminder that it is all, and I mean ALL, for your good. Rest in the fact that you don't have to know it all; you don't have to have it all perfectly planned out. You can be a mess like the goon writing to you today. But it is that mess that God will use for beauty.
Much love,
Abby
P.S. I Went Tri Delt last weekend babyyyyy
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